Why School Isn’t Neutral — And Why That Matters for Our Kids

Every environment educates. The question is—what is it teaching?

There’s a widely accepted assumption in our culture that school is neutral. That it’s a sterile environment built only to deliver content—letters, numbers, facts, and formulas—free from bias or deeper impact. We tell ourselves that as long as the curriculum checks the boxes and the test scores stay high, the rest will take care of itself.

But this belief is more than just a comforting oversimplification. It’s a dangerous one.

Because school is not neutral. It never has been.

Every institution carries a culture. Every classroom holds values, spoken and unspoken. Every policy, tradition, and rule communicates something to the children inside its walls. Whether we realize it or not, school is shaping our children. Not just what they know, but who they are becoming.

And that matters—more than we’re often willing to admit.

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What They’re Really Learning

In education, there is a concept we rarely speak about outside of graduate programs or dusty policy meetings: the hidden curriculum. It refers to the lessons students absorb that aren’t found in textbooks or explicitly taught. It’s the way they learn to navigate social hierarchies, the way behavior is managed, the messages embedded in how success is measured. It’s not the what of education—it’s the how, and it carries more weight than we like to think.

When we hear the term hidden curriculum, many assume it’s a conversation about politics—about books being banned or ideologies being pushed. And while our schools are certainly tangled in red tape and bureaucracy, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about the unspoken lessons—about time, obedience, worth, control, urgency, and identity—that shape our kids far more than any textbook ever will.

The hidden curriculum teaches students about obedience and conformity. It teaches them which behaviors will be rewarded and which personalities will be labeled as “difficult.” It teaches them what is valuable in the eyes of the system—speed over depth, silence over curiosity, sameness over individuality.

These messages shape far more than academic achievement. They shape self-worth. They shape identity. They shape a child’s willingness to take risks or speak up or believe that learning is for them.

And they do it all quietly—so quietly that many parents never notice until it’s too late.

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A Machine Misaligned

I spent years inside that system—as a teacher, and then as a school principal. I believed deeply in the mission of education. I still do. But what I couldn’t ignore, the longer I stayed, was how often the very structure of school worked against the growth of the whole child. Not intentionally, but consistently.

I watched as bright, energetic children were labeled disruptive simply because they couldn’t sit still for hours. I sat in meetings where we discussed a child’s behavior more than their gifts. I saw the way even the best teachers, under immense pressure, were forced to prioritize test prep over creativity, compliance over connection.

I began to understand that the system wasn’t just broken in places—it was misaligned at its core.

We were asking children to adapt to a machine that wasn’t designed with their humanity in mind.

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Leaving Wasn’t the End—It Was the Beginning

When I left the school system, it wasn’t out of bitterness. It wasn’t even out of burnout, though I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t part of it. I left because I realized I could no longer ignore what school was silently teaching—and I wanted something different for my children.

I didn’t leave education. I stepped toward a version of it that felt more honest. More whole. More human.

Homeschooling, for us, wasn’t about rejecting structure or rigor or even tradition. It was about reclaiming the right to ask better questions. To create an environment where the how of learning mattered just as much as the what. Where my children’s sense of self didn’t have to be traded for a seat at the table.

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This Isn’t About Teachers

To be clear, this is not an indictment of teachers. Most of them are doing the best they can, in circumstances that often defy logic and sustainability. This is not about vilifying individuals—it’s about interrogating systems.

And it’s also not about suggesting that every family should homeschool. That’s not realistic or even right for everyone. But every family has the right to be informed. To recognize that school is not a neutral default. It’s a powerful environment that will, over time, shape the way your child sees the world and themselves.

We should be asking: What values are being reinforced day after day? What beliefs are being formed, not through the curriculum, but through the culture?

Because if we’re not asking, we’re still answering—just passively.

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If You’re Not Asking, You’re Still Answering

As a mother, I want my children to learn deeply, question boldly, and grow into adults who know how to think critically and live with integrity. As an educator, I know that doesn’t happen by accident. It happens in environments where those things are not just allowed—but expected, nurtured, and protected.

And those environments are rare.

So I chose to build one.

Because every environment educates. Every space forms. The only real question is—what kind of person is it forming your child to be?…

And are you okay with the answer?

Xoxo,

Mandy